What do I do when my experience contradicts what Jesus says?
Gospel Reading: John 10:1-10
For Sunday, May 15 , 2011: Year A - Easter 4
Jesus says the sheep will recognize the voice of the shepherd.
Jesus says we will recognize the voice of God speaking to us in the world.
That God will be with us.
Jesus says the sheep will run from the voice of a stranger.
Jesus says we will run from the voice of the bandits in the world.
Jesus says we will not listen to the thieves and the bandits.
Jesus says the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy.
Jesus says he comes that we my have life.
Real life.
Big life.
That we will be fully alive.
Not True?
I say this is not true. I say there are people begging to hear the voice of God, calling them to come through the gate, to the pasture, but they don’t. Maybe can’t? I say I cannot hear Jesus’ voice calling me and that I have listened to the thieves and the bandits so many times, felt like I was being ripped off, that I was dying, being destroyed.
How can Jesus say people will recognize his voice and only follow him? It just doesn’t seem true. There are so many people, in so much pain, who have been so deceived.
I Don’t Trust My Ears
Jesus says I will hear his voice and recognize it.
That I will run from the thieves.
Jesus says I will recognize his voice.
Jesus says I will recognize only the voice of God.
You know what I think. I think that maybe I do recognize the voice of God, I hear Jesus calling me, but I ignore it.
I ignore it because I don’t trust my ears.
I don’t trust my ears because I want it to be true so much.
I want more than anything to believe what Jesus says.
I want real life. Big Life. To be fully alive.
I don’t just want it for me, I want if for everyone.
I Am Afraid
Jesus says I will recognize the voice of God and I will only follow that voice. That is what Jesus says about me.
But I ignore it because I don’t trust my own ears,
I don’t trust myself.
But maybe the real truth is I am afraid.
I am afraid that if I follow that voice it won’t be everything I desperately want it to be. That it will hurt. That I will have been ripped off.
And that would kill me.
Destroy me like the thieves and the bandits.
I would rather die at the hands of the thieves and the bandits
Or die from my own fear, than to die from the pain of realizing I had been ripped off by God.
It is just too much to risk.
The Hardest Question
What do I do when my experience contradicts what Jesus says?
Russell Rathbun is a preacher at House of Mercy in St. Paul, Minnesota, the author of Midrash on the Juanitos (Cathedral Hill Press, 2010) and the curator of The Hardest Question.
